How Do I Stop Worrying?

When I say this is one of the most common questions I get as a therapist…it’s an understatement. Everyone wants to know the secret trick to stop worrying. In other words, you’re not alone! Here are some practical tips to help overcome worrying. 

What kind of worries do you have?

The first step in managing worries is to face them. This can be difficult when the instinct may be to avoid them. Notice what kind of worries you have. Common areas of concern include work, finances, relationships, etc. 

How are the worries impacting you?

Take a moment to reflect on how your worries, or anxious thoughts, impact you. Do they impact how you feel? How you act in social situations? How you live your life on a daily basis? If the answer is yes- give yourself compassion.

Where do the worries come from?

Have you noticed this pattern for a while or is it new? Understanding when it started can help provide insight. Having this insight can also help you have compassion and understanding of the function of the worries. Worry patterns usually start as a way to protect ourselves, but can sometimes do more harm than good! 

Let’s use an example.

You have a big presentation at work coming up. It’s going to be in front of the whole company. You start to worry.

Worry thought: “I’m so nervous about my presentation at work. I’m so bad at presentations and I always mess up. Everyone is going to judge me.”

WOAH. That’s loaded. 

Take the judgment off.

Thoughts are just thoughts. We have thousands of thoughts a day. Practice non-judgement and acceptance of the thoughts. For example…

“I’m having some anxious thoughts about my presentation. That makes sense because it’s an important presentation.”

See how that feels a little lighter?

Challenge unhelpful thought patterns.

Some key words I listen for as a therapist popped up in this worry thought: bad, always, everyone. These highlight some common worry thought patterns- all or nothing, overgeneralization, and fortune telling. Let’s define those patterns. 

All or nothing: Looking at things as absolutes, black and white categories- good or bad. There is actually a good amount of variance and gray to be found in most situations. 

Overgeneralization: Viewing a negative event as a never ending pattern- always. Something happening in the past is not always a predictor of future events.

Fortune telling: Predicting the future, when we really don’t know what will happen. 

Let’s put it into practice.

“I am worried about my presentation and thinking worst case scenario. I actually have given some pretty good presentations at work and only forgot part of my speech that one time. Even if I fumble a few words, it’s not a big deal. My colleagues aren’t going to judge me and even if someone did, that says more about them than me.”

Feels a little bit lighter…

Focus on what is within your control 

Focusing on what is within your control and accepting what is out of your control can help you cope with worrying. 

Focusing on what’s within your control: “I will focus on preparing my slides. I can practice a couple times and have a plan. I will try my best.”

Calm your body.

Take a body focused approach- exercise, meditation and deep breathing all support grounded feelings in the body which can support a calm mind. These activities can provide immediate relief for your nervous system and if practiced consistently over time can help change your brain.

Talk about it. 

Sharing our worries and feelings can make a big difference! Talking to a friend or a therapist that listens without judgment can help make the worries less scary and retrain your thought patterns. 

Summary

So to give you your answer… maybe we need to shift focus from stopping worrying to coping with worrying, to rewiring the worry thoughts that amplify anxiety. You deserve relief from your worries.

Authentic LA Therapy is a psychotherapy practice dedicated to supporting individuals experiencing anxiety.